We all know when the day will come that we need to talk to our kids about S-E-X. I was really hoping it was not going to ever come about or that it would be some amazing movie like moment when my son and husband are sitting on a boat fishing when "the talk" happens.
But that is not reality and the talk happened this week, very randomly. This calls for a little background to understand how this unfolded.
A Bit about My Boy
My 9 year old boy, Max, has had a few issues lately with focus, acting out and really being a nine year old boy. It started mostly in the pandemic (I will cover this in another post). He was getting angry quickly and does not like change. We also have given him a bit more freedom to see how he handles situations, which has been a big learning curve.
Max loves technology: literally anything and everything, as long as it has a screen. This is something we have been trying to wean him off of, but when you literally tell a child he needs to stare at a screen all day for school for two years, it's hard to break them of that.
So back to the juicy part. Max had his phone (my old phone and only has wifi and uses it for games) and my husband walked in his room and asked what he was doing. Max, lied and of course said nothing and my husband saw he was watching youtube, which we have told him not to watch anymore. (I know what you are thinking, take it off the phone, block it, etc, tried that and he has figured out how to watch incognito). Because he lied, the phone was taken away.
I went up to his room to talk to him and asked a lot of questions. He blurted out, "I was trying to look up saxophone, like Lisa Simpson plays and it wrote SEX! I didn't mean to.
OMG!!! My heart stopped and realized that he was in fact looking up sex and we had to have this talk NOW. What do I say, do I get his dad, is this something we all talk about, what do I do. I kept calm and asked him if he wanted to know what sex was, which he back-peddled and said no, well yes, I don't know. I wanted to make sure he was ready, so I asked him what he though sex was.
The Talk
In this moment I really hope he did not get far on his search. With my ears open and ready he said "When people kiss a lot in bed." Ok, I can deal with that. Thank goodness, my husband was on his way up. Max freaked out and asked me not to say anything to Carlos, but I knew this was important and I also knew he needed to hear this from his dad. So, I teed up the conversation.
When it came to "THE PART", you know the one, Max got red and flustered about what our body parts are really used for. He was so cute and honest and said, I thought they were for peeing.
As the conversation continued, I tried to make it like it was not a big deal. In my nervousness, I started talking about other animals reproduction and even how some animals switch sexes or kill after they have sex. Maybe that was a bit too much.
I have to admit, I was not ready. We have spoken about how babies live in a mommys belly and come out a small hole like we are pooping them out, but I guess it never really occurs to kids, how and why. They hear about sex on the TV and videos but, thank goodness, never see it in action in those mediums.
Are parents ever ready for this conversation? There are so many schools of thought on "the talk" and I am not quite sure which one I am in. I thought I was a cool mom and can talk about anything, but I also want them to be babies forever and never have to learn about this stuff. But it is shoved in their faces all day long. I sound like an old fuddy duddy, "back in my day..."
What I Learned
The one great thing about our conversation was that it was inclusive. We discussed man/woman, man/man and woman/woman but did not get into detail, just that people who love each other have sex as an act of love. He wanted to stop the conversation and man, so did I. I did leave him with this nugget of information to quote Uncle Ben from Spiderman (changed a bit), "With a penis comes with great responsibility". I know I will be a bit more prepared for next time to discuss those responsibilities, but my boy now knows about the birds and the bees.
I was able to get a little nugget of help from this article.
Have you had the "talk" yet with your kids? What is your story? Drop us a line and let us know.
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